To the sea...

Looking busy while achieving nothing to show for the efforts are becoming my best asset I think. In the 12 hours that I could have understood more about counseling, save a tree by killing a beaver or embrace religion I instead bet it on a wager I lost.

I woke up around 1 today, sat in front of the PC and decided that I was in the need to be useful. So I "helped" Elaine, chatted with brenners and wasted 4 hours trying on a new blog template that I decided to ditch at the end and went with this. Beautiful start to the day indeed.

With me now being on a good helping mood roll, I decided to extend my generosity to my friend by secretly cursing him for calling me and commended me for having the heart to answer the phone despite knowing it will be another stupid computer problem. To show off my new found mood, I even went over his house to fix it for him. I can now tell you that it is possible to imagine screaming obscenities at a person AND read FHM at the same time. The jokes was crap, I'm going to submit something better to them one day.

A quick call secured the next place this good will ambassador would go next. Heck, in fact I was so good that I even fetched both of them out to a nearby mamak stall and proceed to preach to them the message of love and understanding. But since I haven't embraced any religion, we end up talking about other friends, crack some jokes and well, talk more about other friends. Two more joined in abit later and I'm kinda surprised that even after all these years, nothing much change. We laugh at others, sympathize at some, get laughed at, divert the laughs by notifying others to the presence of a cute girl nearby (cute > beautiful), some "I told you he would end up that way" and of course the ever present snide remarks that will be sprinkle around along the entire meeting. Despite haven't really gone into their 'world' for the better part of this year, I haven't missed anything life changing. We have become good friends, the ones without a problem, the one people look at and envy. Our inability to talk about personal issue struck me hard. I used to talk freely about my -mostly girls- problems and we'll talk about it and end up going home feeling that we have a shoulder or two to depend on even as the world turns upside down.

But as we grow up, along come the notion that a guy must be emotionally tough, that a show of feelings means a show of weakness. If any of our friends let their girlfriends dominate in a relationship, we don't waste time telling them off even though if we were in the exact same position we would have done the same. I don't know where we're headed with the course of life. No one ever teased us how to live a life, it's like showing the hungry man a fish and ask him to catch his own one. It's cruel and proven. We're bound to get the fish since they showed us that you can get a fish because it's there. So you swin, fish, hunt, catch do anything just to ensure that you get that darn fish.

But then what? I've captured 4 fish and could have gotten more... but I never knew what I should do after I got the fish. Then again, some might argue that the wonders of life is when you realize the potential you have just to wake up everyday to make it through another looking for the answer to the riddle above. And while I can assure you that I'm hard at looking for it, I'm not closed to any help others might be able to provide ;)

So I leave you here feeling guilty over the fact that you haven't shared with me the answer to the riddle why I go to a nice sleep on a stomach full of meat and rice, just came back from Bah Kut Teh you see.

And while we sat there eating and talking away at 5 am until now, it's still a wonder to me that I'm sitting here feeling empty. Since stuffing myself with pork and rice didn't work, I guess it's back to the drawing board again then. Darn fishermen's....