Sunday, August 17, 2008

3 down, forever more to go..

Three years and five days ago I finally snared the catch of my life. It has since not without hiccups, yet they are but mere ripples to a giant ship, as they are to our relationship.

No fancy gifts this year for my princess, though I hope the dinner arrangement was to her liking. It was to mine :)

Happy 3th anniversary doe, I love you this much | |* more now :D

*not to scale

It's only words..

My mother sat crying alone 3 in the morning because her drugged up eldest son had just essentially for another time, chased my parents out of their own home. She is faced with a mountain of debt and carries to sole responsibility in providing for this family. What words do you use to console her then? That everything will be alright? That he will wake up and find a reason to stop abusing drugs and lead a life of the pure? That my dad will finally land that mega million deal he had been sure to land “by next week” for almost a decade now? That her remaining sons that can’t even support themselves proper will be the solutions to this?

My father sat dejected, blaming himself for not being the able provider everyone expects the man of the house to be. At the golden age where one is expected to reap the fruits of experience and wisdom, he is instead burdened with a son that is a drug addict, another which is still trying to start a life and least one more that has not an ounce of respect for him. What words do we use to console him then? That everything will be alright? That he will finally complete the deal and provide his family life beyond comfort? That his sons will turn towards him in search of a role model? That he be comforted by words of counsel saying he had not failed in his duty as a father?

His eldest sat down disconnected, icing up himself to a high that causes him to drive everyone that cared for him away, and when he realizes that no one was there at the end of it all, he iced up again to take the pain away. Thus the cycle repeats. What words do you use to console him then? Whatever it is, I don’t care no more.

My youngest sat desolated as he wrote “waking up every day was like a nightmare” when asked to describe a reason for hope. At the age where holiday meant fun, he is toiling for work, eager to earn every single cent possible, ruing over a chance missed. What words do you use to console him then? That everything will be alright? That his father will come good and deliver finally? That he’ll have a role model in a family with no role? A mother who mans over the household but yet lack the heart, a father who holds the title yet not the respect, two brothers who is utter failure by normal terms. He curses the fact that he was borne into this family, blinded over the strength he had received from it, veiled by perceptions of a perfect family, perfect life. Who then, we ask, would understand the plight of this teen with none in common of the rest other than the ties of blood kin, whatever value of it to him?

I sat alone disheartened as I wrote this piece when all I really wanted was rest. My blood kin I had consisted a mother who needed courage, a father who needed a heart, a disowned kin who needed a brain and a youngest who needed a home. I guess I needed a wizard I doubt exist. What word would you use for me? That everything will be alright? That my mother will have to courage to attend logic over love and send help to her eldest? That my father will be able to understand his family and come to terms with what he has provided? That my kin will be able to have the brain to understand that he is destroying everything he claimed he holds dear? That my youngest will be able to have the home he desire with its perfect parents and perfect life?

Things go beyond words alone and sometimes, words are not in need. I have no time for the sympathies and sorries thrown my way, though I appreciate the gesture. Yes, this is a hard thing for me to accept, I took a hard decision to disown personally someone once so dear to me and I will suffer the consequences of it from what on. I will be losing blood kins by the end of it all, I can only hope I don’t lose them all. I’ve doned sorrying, I’ve doned pitying, I’ve doned crying, I’ve doned saddening. I should be starting believing. It is said that the sky is always darkest before dawn, I hope, nay, believe that this time is will be more than just words.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Makkal Sakthi!

Never have I've been more proud of my nation and the people in it. Yes, I might be vindicated in proposing that there would be change, there the explosion of the only remaining free media will drive the educated and youths out in throngs to support a change in the system.

But even then, I only dared to say that it would at best kill a few seats of Libra and perhaps lowering the majority of votes and seats, never would I have dreamt it went beyond that sweeping past even the most optimistic of pundits akin to a tsunami. And what a tsunami it was.

What made me proud is that this was not achieved by scandals, it was not achieved by PKR, DAP or PAS. No, it was achieved by the guts and courage of the people not only to want change, but to initiate it as well. I've seen it far too often, Pak Liar's eyes went asleep for another scandal to happen and we grumble and grumble but at the end, we went to sleep as well in fear of retributions. For that I thank the people.

What made me proud is that this was not achieved by the fallacy of Khairy, Zaim or Pak Liar, this was achieved through the unity of the people, who marched together regardless of race in the BERSIH rally and voiced support for the HINDRAF detainees. This was achieved not because the people dangled us with sweet candies for votes, it was achieved through a common desire for a better future and for once, we placed aside all these differences, all these fears, all these uncertainties to show if push comes to shove, we will react.

And acted we did. For once, we were not puppets in the show "BN vs Opp." No, this time we were the audience, the judge, the jury and the voter. This vote certainly did not cost me RM1 and it's impact is far far more than any TV shows combined. Some said to be careful, there would be revenge for those who defied. I saw we show them, that "the government should fear the people" and not vice versa.

They say revenge is a dish best served cold. And I reckon our 'cold' treatment not only sent a chill up those crony's spines, but also a stern message to those who think they can continue to piggyride on the goodwill of the nation without giving back. Samy Vellu learned first hand how climates changed, going home for a warm bath and never came back, perhaps not able to find that safe, warm jacket no more. Tsu Koon as well, that loving words came to late for a partner who no longer wants you, a jilted lover could only offer kind words in hopes of a future glimpse.

I can only hope those responsible for the state of our nation is no longer the same bunch who led a sheltered view of our nation, that everyone's forever in debt to the keris and heeds to scare tactics to not cross the line. I hope they see that no longer we view ourselves as Malay, Chinese or Indians, rather we are all Malaysians.

And with that, I can't see a better time that we can finally and truly use the term 'Makkal Sakthi' (People power)

Sunday, March 09, 2008

General Erection 2008

As every living and moderately non-apathic Malaysian will know, we went to the ballot boxes earlier yesterday to vote for a bunch of strangers who we see once every four years in poster to well, drive the course of this country's well-being for four years or so.

This is of course, my first time of voting. I've missed the boat four years ago because I simply didn't care, as what would one vote do against the mighty propaganda machine of the Libra party? This time however, things changed. Given the amount of bullshit and idiocy presented in front of me week in and week out directly (un)live from the parliament, I guess along with million of others, something had to be done. I paid attention to politics :O

Certainly, friends help. I've talked about politics with my friends this week alone more than I have mustered my other years combined. And it is good. Sad to say there were some of the more sarcastic ones, "wah, good citizen, register for vote hor.." while it is not a law, the very least that you have looked and considered your options would be well, sad to say there were resign to Libra winning it over the moons and the rockets, which I doubt is ever a good stance to take in the first place.

Given the results that I've know so far, they have lost and lost bad. Penang, Selangor, Perak, Kedah, Kelantan .. some of it former strongholds of the Libra team. And some old horses is bowing out as well, our grand old Samy Vellu, the longest serving minister, being the biggest casualty. Behind followed Koh Tsu Koon, the Chief Minister of Penang, heck even another fellow blogger, Jeff Ooi, got in ahead of him.

This perhaps is the biggest lost ever suffered by the party, seeing they had almost over 90% majority last time around and thankfully the only reason they haven't lost the majority this time around is because the opposition could not field enough candidates rather than they could not wrestle it away. The sad thing about all this is that, come Monday, when they group up and discuss how did they lose so badly, the reasons will be nothing closer to the truth. Expect the usual, "they voted with feelings, not head" "phantom votes!" or "opposition used underhand tactics"..

Why did they lose though? Few reasons really, such as:

1) Older generations protesting the increase of everything but their sex life and penis length.
2) Younger generations protesting the decrease of income the receive for parents due to reason #1
3) Young voters incensed at the idiocy and corruption displayed by the government week in and week out as shown on YouTube.
4) Young voters
5) are not dumb and chained by the traditional media

Control all the usual media you want (go ahead, collect last weeks newspapers till yesterdays and read, you'd see we astonishingly have NO crime. Nop, no rape cases, no child missing, no robbery, no car accidents or bus falling down cliffs) but you can't control the internet. The last time they did, (arresting a few bloggers under ISA), they end up getting one of those arrested for blogging into parliament, so good going there Leroy.

This could be a new beginning for Malaysia, where we have seen another triumph for the free media (the Lingam case would have NEVER gotten any press if not for youtube) and how the youths have made a change. For the good or worst? We'll have four years to find out, I can only hope by that time, I would actually know the candidates I'm voting for.

Joke of the day:

When asked whether the massive lost by BN was a vote of no confidence on the government, he (PM Badawi) said, "I don't see it that way."

Obviously not, we merely hated the logo and color of the flag. It does not go well with orange.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Edison Chen's sex scandal..

People has been asking me to get the links to the expressionist pictures that he took with some rather fetching models, who just happened to be in the entertainment circle. I got tired of that, so here's a link to another site who does think it's worth the time to catalog it.

Edison's Art Exhibition

I'd tell you to enjoy, but I think the thought of a possible tape of Maggie Q's doing the sexy is the only thing you are looking forward too.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Welcome to the family..

She arrived without much fanfare. No barrage of congratulatory calls, no visits from nosy aunts, no hand me downs from know it all elders. As my last post would have mentioned, I think she'll fit right into this family. Soon.

Her enthusiasm for life and all of it's glory would be slowly stripped away by our nonchalant attitude towards life, and possibly everything in connection with it.

Her zest for life and all its fun would be slowly squeezed out of her head by our suffocating need to concentrate on a electronics screen with pictures coming out of it.

Her zeal for life and all of its wonders would be slowly taken away from her by our dedicated nature to ruin the life of those close to us, or least scar them enough with.

Yes, it took my family one week to decide that no one really wanted her, and while she is guaranteed a safe haven here as long as she remains, she can safely bet there would not be tear shed over her when she leaves. It took my family one week to realise that no one really wanted to take her for her daily walk, that no one really wanted to play with her for even the slightest when there is a picture on that electronics screen. It took my family one week to realise that those joyous jumps were not for food but merely for attention. Attention that she'll never get, seeing she has to compete with four electronics screen with pictures, and boy do they have a head start in this one.

So, welcome to the family, enjoy the stay and as Don Henley aptly puts it, "you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leaveeee."

Monday, November 12, 2007

We are family..

It's always surprising what time can do. This year alone, I've witness my brother barred from entering his own hometown, I've witness close friends gotten married, I've witness new friendships brokered, old friendships broken, new life born, old life terminated.

Next year, I'd be witnessing the same thing again, yet this time I can't help but to think it's getting personal. I'm should kinda maybe going to be an uncle to a child that would by my calculations, have absolutely no chance in having a ordinary, normal, unassuming life that many would never have dreamt of when they go to bed at night. But to this child, I'm more willing to shelve out a couple to bet that this is exactly what he (or she, we don't want to be sexist here..) would do once he (or she, we don't want to be sexist here..) finds out about the club he's signing on to. Firstly, he'll have a grandfather thats too stubborn for his own good, a grandmother that's too loving for her own good, a father that's a bordering criminal, a mother that's a bordering bitch, an uncle that's a bordering sloth and another that's bordering normality.

Maybe this is why I never get those who are depressed. Perhaps it's just me, but I think I've seen, witness or at the very least, experienced more or less the same situation that some of these individuals have been through, and have come out fine (I wouldn't say normal, many would attest to that fact). Maybe that's why I'm generally unsympathetic to various excuses to be sad, depressed, stressed, down, emo, and kawasan kawasan yang sewaktu dengannya, because far worst things have happened and people have survived. Sometimes I wonder if I should feel or say sorry for my girlfriend who must have thought she finally found a normal guy with a normal family that would maybe someday win a jackpot lottery and go on to have a rich and happy life in the countryside together, just to end up with me. But meh, I'm leaning on unsympathetic though, because far worst things have happened and people have survived :)

I guess underneath all the idiosyncrasies, I have secretly liked that way this family functioned because well, who really want to tell others they're like the 6 billion other people on earth, that they're nothing but normal, unassuming human being with the standard catchphrase and typical pose? As the fashion industry have for so long confirmed, we hang on to any little thing that could make us stand out in a crowd of one, and perhaps the workings of my family is one of such things.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Came-around Highlands

After another fine display of my attention span, I found myself having to commit to a trip up to Cameron Highlands to visit my brother with my friends, something I vaguely remember agreeing to month ago thinking it would be another empty promises we so often say and forget. So at 4am in the morning, I found myself hurriedly unpacked with KC and John waiting downstairs, all half asleep and wondering why they committed themselves to such trip.

And as probably a show of spirit and commitment to this excitable trip, once in the car I discovered there were 6 cans of beer with the promise of more to come. By the time we started our journey, we were already looking for a 7-11 to restock the cans. They sell mini Transformers there for RM19.90, and John got the only remaining Soundwave and left me staring at the inept sorry looking Optimus which I chose not to buy >:( Finally, I'm becoming a smart consumer, I would later on chose to waste that Rm19.90 on far more much much useless thing, as you'll come to see.

By the time we reach Ringlet, where my brother was currently based. And I guess you could say this was turning out into a typical "few friends discovered a bond over the course of travel" movie as the moment we stepped out of the car, we instantly remembered why we don't choose to come here that often, we were half frozen to death. It's not helped by the fact that as guys, we have been hardwired into thinking we can beat the cold, shown here by KC's insistence of wearing a t-shirt, short khakis and slippers, me being a college student thus perhaps more evolved, chose a jersey, jeans and slippers and John being the only one who have graduated and holding a real job, suggested a hint of higher evolution at work by wearing long sleeve shirt, jeans and pair of shoes. But ultimately, the fact that all of us forgot to either bring or use the jacket we have is probably a good indicator that evolution still have a long way to go.

After a short catch-up consisting of stories on how he survived detention, he took us to what he said "a popular and decent" motel, which I think is probably due to its great hospitality. The people there not only ignored any identification check, but they also let us choose the room that we wanted, which was hard considering all of it was empty and looked exactly the same. We finally choose room number 115, because it "looked bigger", though it's pretty much the same to me. For a temporary moment I thought it was nice to have a decent apartment for once, before the big guy above reminded me about the pipe water shower and the colony of flies that seemed to be happy to have us living under their roofs. My brother did get the hospitality part down to a pat, as I do not see anything else going for them in the race to attract customers.

I chose to get some rest while they choose to bury their faces in more beer, probably a decent idea considering the options available there. I woke up nicely in time for dinner, which we choose a steamboat place, logically thinking which other time do you eat steamboat? (It turns out for Chinese people, it's whenever you want to..) When the portions came we were honestly, shocked. Perhaps originating from Klang, or perhaps just the Chinese part in us got out, we found each of our portion consisting of one strand of veggie, one egg, small chunk of what appears to be meat and one spoonful of noodles, I wondered if we stumbled into Tyra Banks' dream restaurant. And perhaps originating from Klang, or perhaps just the Chinese part in us got out, John demanded to see the manager to explain about this atrocity. He, being the mastermind of this and having perhaps served one too many similar complaints, masterfully explained this was what we were getting and showed us some other meals we could order to compliment what I think in his view, the starter. We refused, payed around RM20 each and be on our way, with my mind lingering at the thought that it would have bought me a bloody Soundwave toy. You could have argued its expected in a tourist destination and we did bought upon it ourselves, but I would have raised my brows and countered "What!" before whimpering on with an agreement.

As we left the restaurant far earlier than expected (both of my friends didn't want to know the price of beer there..), we walked up to the night market, apparently a big attraction on weekends. Here is a place where if well played, you can guilt your girlfriend into winning a future "out of jail" card. To those who have ever bought roses for their girlfriends, I would be well guessed to say you'd have paid around RM80-100 for a dozen of roses, perhaps more during special dates. The first stall we walked pass however, shoved what I think was 200 million stalks at a price of..... RM10. Yes. I've never understood the charm of flowers, not the giddiness of getting it, but making your boyfriend paying ten times for something that symbolizes beauty only last couple of days (unless you put them in water) seems utterly pointless when we can tell that to you (more discreetly if we do not have a death wish) for less than one tenth of the price. So the next time I try to buy some silly thing (probably another electronic gadget) for ten times the price, you do not get to question the wisdom of such purchase, because the last time I check, these things does not die out in a couple of days (ironically it would.. if placed in water).

The next day, as we prepare to descent in the afternoon, saw us take on the role of a fit grandmother as we rose at 8am to go to the morning market and shopped. In the 10 minutes of arrival, we were somehow transformed into an expert in pinching fruits, feeling veggies and nonsensical chat with the sellers on observations of everyday life. Adhering to guys rule no. 54 of Dude's Guide to Shopping: "run it, grab it from nearest stall and do not turn back", we finished it in 2 hours flat and had time to stop by the nearest mamak for our breakfast, before calling my brother to see him for a short while before leaving back to Klang again.

This "short while" turns out to be a 1 hour stop, as he took us around the sleazy end of Cameron Highlands that is probably the highlight of the our trip. Yes, while you might have had the grand tour of the "scenic" hills with tea plantations, the rows and rows of strawberry in a farm or saw the grandeur of the roses in their garden but I can bet you have never seen this. In fact I wouldn't know any reason for you to want to be there, as just a road away, it seemed we ended up in a different world. Dusts flying all around, shanty joints knocked on by plank of woods, people sitting outside as if they are free, the only thing missing was horses or I would have swore we were in a western cowboy town. The only up point was that we were there for all but 30 mins and after they confirmed we weren't the rebel red indians, we were free to go on our way and I think that experienced shocked us slightly, as there was no sadness upon leaving Cameron Highlands.

All in all, it was a decent way to have wasted a couple of days, but for now, please forgive me as I go on and tell people that I wouldn't give up a city life for one on the countryside such as Cameron's, it's far far too hectic for me, I'm afraid.


About Me
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Me Wants
laptop. vinyl player. girlfriend. brain. new boots. goalie gloves. "Running with Scissors" by Augusten Burroughs. "Infinite Jest: A Novel" by David Foster Wallace. "Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again" by David Foster Wallace. Canon Ixus 700. attention span that last beyond 3 minutes. sleep. vacation. own car.

3 down, forever more to go..
It's only words..
Makkal Sakthi!
General Erection 2008
Edison Chen's sex scandal..
Welcome to the family..
We are family..
Came-around Highlands
God is Malaysian
Now, where was I?


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