God is Malaysian

Yes, after years of us hearing how Jesus is Jewish, Siddhartha is Indian and the Prophet Mohamed is Arab, I here submit the hypothesis that God is Malaysian.

Afterall, we see how apathic he can be towards poor or unfortunate people, not unlike us Malaysians and how we cry foul over how the rich bullies the poor, yet do nothing whatsoever about it, he shows it by giving dictators such as Pol Pot or Pinochet years and years of life and only have them suffer some illness. I further submit that not only is he Malaysian, but he's also a college student. Yes, god is a Malaysian college student who thinks he knows every darn thing in the world and on occasion, smokes pot or gets drunk. I mean, have you seen the platypus? I rest my case.

But I have a more concrete proof than that. I think today was the dateline of God's individual lab report. And like a good Malaysian college student who must meticulously cramp every single workload they have into a single day, in this case he cramped about 10 years worth of work in a few hours.

S0me of you would have known that I'm doing events, and my jobs requires me to travel from shops to shops to promote a certain brand, most of the time the brand that had paid me to travel from shops to shops. This particular promotion required me to go to such outlets, and announce that I'll be buying them drinks for the coming 1 hour, so as you would have known judging by the term "free" and "malaysians", we were pretty much well loved. Everything have been going well, perhaps because God was busy playing Dota (Hmm, Osama with his "rockets"?) and maybe Starcraft (U.Sruuuuusssshhhh kkekekekekekkekeke ^_^) that he perty much forgot about this project until today.

Our outlets was suppose to start at 5pm today, and at 4.45pm I discovered that the car won't start. Not even a hint of teasing when the sound makes it sound like you might be just to start it. Nop, just pure dead. So, that delayed me for about an hour, which means we had to rush up all our promotion. We reached the third second destination by time, and actually had quite a good time. We naturally wrapped it up and proceeded to the next outlet about 10 mins away and the first thing I noticed when I stopped was the fact that my wallet was gone. Poof. Missing. After giving what I would think is illegal in 14 states of Malaysia to the truck, I came to the conclusion that it could have fell on the last outlet, so I rush back there to be first, greeted by the winning goal van Persie scored for Arsenal to avoid them losing and then the news that some bloke could have possibly took it. With all my money inside that was to be used for the 3 outlets. With my IDs. My donors card. My pictures of Aileen. My small collection of lint due to me never cleaning my wallet. After another illegal conduct to the truck, I gave up and proceeded with my work.

I guess that was the introduction, as the next outlet I visited gave me further problem. Not only was I greeted with a winning goal to give Chelsea 3 points, but the promotion went so well that we surpassed our free drinks limit. After a lengthy discussion, I managed to convince the owner that I will only pay for the limit we've set and in return, I gave him more free stuff that would have been otherwise benefited some customers like that bloke who can now afford to eat something nice with the money he got from picking up my wallet.

The worst was not over, we rushed to the next outlet because at 11pm, the Man Utd will start and no one will be even remotely interested to look at us, even though we might dress like the Red Devils. Upon arrival, the parking spot that we saw was taken by a stupid car and we can't do nothing about because we had to look after the image of the brand and that the outlet didn't even let us ran the promotion.

This seemed like good news, because it means we could go back earlier, but we know better right? It seemed that no one was either available or wanted to watch the game with me, so I ended up alone in a mamak looking at how Man Utd shoot themselves in the leg again, with the killer blow coming from a long time friend stumbled upon me there, telling me that her grandmother just passed away which not only did I not knew earlier, but also couldn't go over to pay respect due to me wearing red. Boom. The end.

I must say, judging by this, God must been at best, a first year college student. The effort is there, but it needs more polishing. Firstly, this was my last day of promotion, so that gave me time tomorrow to sort out the hassles of reporting and redoing my documents. He should have done it earlier to really screw me up. Secondly, Man Utd drawing still gives them a point. He should have make them lost to really screw me up. I admit, the "no one's available" trick was unexpected, but then again I don't really bother if I had to watch alone, so it didn't hit me as hard as God would have wanted I suppose.

Now, how do I rate this research? There were some weaknesses in running his experiment as you can see, and the signs of him rushing his work is present. The old copy and paste job of "losing a wallet", the overused "outlet didn't allow promotion" and I guess the expected "favourite team not winning game". Frankly, I'd expected better from God seeing how much time he had in researching for this experiment

All in all, I give him a 72 despite these shortcomings. Afterall, we wouldn't want to piss God off, do we?