Well, nothing happened :(. Bloody liar e-mails. Looking back at a lot of my post, I've been using a lot of slangs, from the U.K no doubt. I blame their forums. Have hang around there for the past year or so, and have learn a LOT from them. I'm not trying to say anything here, but I'm quite impress with them compared to a few Malaysian forums I've visited or been a part of.
Someone told me that I'm using this for the wrong reason, or I've gotten the wrong idea about how a blog should or have to be. It has to be about what I'm doing, what I'm eating, what I'm thinking when I was eating, what I was thinking when I was working, or sleeping, or waking up. And some has told me that I'm still in that bastard mood, where everything is wrong and everyone is wrong, twice. Well, I have to admit, most of the times when I write about this, or bothered too, I'm either too bored, mad, lonely, much time or simply had this little feeling in my guts. Do you ever had those ? Those little knots in your stomachs, little things in your heart, little thug in your mind asking..practically begging you to do some particular thing ? I always has these, and usually end up regretting it. Well, not regret, but rather ends up analyzing every single point of it until I'm convinced I was wrong and therefore is an idiot. I'm starting to do this with the current 'relationship' I have. It used to be fun, but somehow my mind overtook my guts and now I've started to put fact and figure over. Call cost, dinner, car fuel, sms, car fuel, movies,car fuel .... you know, stuff. See, I've drifted away again. Losing interest in talking, or writing, or typing however you wanna view at it.
I'm going to buy something sooner or later :). First off would be my goalkeeper gloves, miss them much. Apparently someone saw a nice profit to be make in an year old glove with smells and war-torn'ed. I envy him, I couldn't care less about it, or see the value of it until it was gone. Now I want to hug it and have it beside my bed so it'll be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning, with songs like Simply Red - Sunrise blasting out of me speakers. But I've gotten over it, but were harshly reminded of it from time to time (usually every thursday) when someone decides to blast a 185 km/h ball at me :) After that I'm going to look for cds, hopefully this saturday when I might try to convince my friend to go look for jazz again :). And lastly, some books. I've enjoyed my time with it, and don't see how much it could hurt (well, about RM 40) to get a few more that I can enjoy. And coming next month, some tickets to a movie or a theater show, Actor Studio Bangsar is having a few nice productions on run, so I might check that out.
Yes, my life is that dreadful these days, no one to argue with, no one to concern over , no one to smile with.. At even sadder, I'm quite enjoying it.. Never thought of me as a guy who would enjoy a single life, not having someone to care of or vice versa, not having a hand to hold on, a body to hug with, a soul to feel with. Somehow I've gotten pass the "whole world is making fun of me, I feel like dying, I feel like eating a thousand of drowners and not wake up" stage perhaps. Now, I do know about some responsibility I have, and are thinking about my future every now and then. And look at every person, girl that I know if there will be a future for us, even though I'm really not interested. Looking for a education, for a better life. I used to have those days where I can fuck up every now and then and laugh at it weeks later, knowing how stupid I have been. I read a lot of blogs these days, and amazingly find that there aren't much different from people to people, we face the same thing, guys or girls, black or white, chinese or russian. We all go through the same problem and comes up with more or less the same solution, eitehr get on with life limping then recover, or go on a self destruct mission with will involve:-
1)Silly arguments with someone close to you
2)Drugs or alcohol
3)Exact idea on what you're doing, even though you're not
4)time, always you think the time is on your side to repent someday
5)There are always someone else to be blamed for any problems.
6)Everyone is sympathetic, and you don't want it.
7)You will never cry for it anymore.
I've got all these before, one way or another, one time or so. but it seems stupid to know I'm not even 21 yet, officially. From the average life of 75 that we're expected to live, boy am I doomed for an eternity of pondering whether anything 've done changed my life, or what I'm doing might, or what I'd be doing will. We're doomed by the simply fact that we have choices. Life would be much easier if choices are made, decisions are done, aren't it ? Who to get, how to do, why should me .... It's choices, the first very thing we wanted after freedom since the beginning of time that is the undone of us all. Have you ever pondered over the choices you made, right or wrong. I can get drunk and laid every single night, and I'm not kidding here. But at the same time, I can stay sober and work hard to earn a living. It comes down to choice, the obvious choice would be working, but how can you tell me that in 20 years time, I might not wake up and regret my decision that I made today ?
Do you know yourself ?? Do you know what you want, love, like, hate, annoyed, miss, care, forget, have, need ? Why ? I'm an annoying brat, aren't I ? :D ... Well, for some strange reasons, I like to listen. To anything, music, people's rant, problem, solutions, events, news... I love to do that ,and ask questions and hope they'll never ask me back on anything. Why ? Because I'm nothing. Deep down, I'm a boring, sad, lonely old person who has nothing interesting to say, and nothing interesting to tell. I'm not the richest, best lover, kindest person, most talented, nicest friend, greatest person alive. Mmmmm, curry. Eating now, so don't mind me really. People tend to be happier when their full. Kinda like we're commited a sin and loving every single moment of it. Kinda like we're not christians. Kinda like we're not Buddhist. Kinda like me.
Bah, that's all for now, I have to eat, read, take a shower, a nap then wake up to go to a footie game :).
Someone told me that I'm using this for the wrong reason, or I've gotten the wrong idea about how a blog should or have to be. It has to be about what I'm doing, what I'm eating, what I'm thinking when I was eating, what I was thinking when I was working, or sleeping, or waking up. And some has told me that I'm still in that bastard mood, where everything is wrong and everyone is wrong, twice. Well, I have to admit, most of the times when I write about this, or bothered too, I'm either too bored, mad, lonely, much time or simply had this little feeling in my guts. Do you ever had those ? Those little knots in your stomachs, little things in your heart, little thug in your mind asking..practically begging you to do some particular thing ? I always has these, and usually end up regretting it. Well, not regret, but rather ends up analyzing every single point of it until I'm convinced I was wrong and therefore is an idiot. I'm starting to do this with the current 'relationship' I have. It used to be fun, but somehow my mind overtook my guts and now I've started to put fact and figure over. Call cost, dinner, car fuel, sms, car fuel, movies,car fuel .... you know, stuff. See, I've drifted away again. Losing interest in talking, or writing, or typing however you wanna view at it.
I'm going to buy something sooner or later :). First off would be my goalkeeper gloves, miss them much. Apparently someone saw a nice profit to be make in an year old glove with smells and war-torn'ed. I envy him, I couldn't care less about it, or see the value of it until it was gone. Now I want to hug it and have it beside my bed so it'll be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning, with songs like Simply Red - Sunrise blasting out of me speakers. But I've gotten over it, but were harshly reminded of it from time to time (usually every thursday) when someone decides to blast a 185 km/h ball at me :) After that I'm going to look for cds, hopefully this saturday when I might try to convince my friend to go look for jazz again :). And lastly, some books. I've enjoyed my time with it, and don't see how much it could hurt (well, about RM 40) to get a few more that I can enjoy. And coming next month, some tickets to a movie or a theater show, Actor Studio Bangsar is having a few nice productions on run, so I might check that out.
Yes, my life is that dreadful these days, no one to argue with, no one to concern over , no one to smile with.. At even sadder, I'm quite enjoying it.. Never thought of me as a guy who would enjoy a single life, not having someone to care of or vice versa, not having a hand to hold on, a body to hug with, a soul to feel with. Somehow I've gotten pass the "whole world is making fun of me, I feel like dying, I feel like eating a thousand of drowners and not wake up" stage perhaps. Now, I do know about some responsibility I have, and are thinking about my future every now and then. And look at every person, girl that I know if there will be a future for us, even though I'm really not interested. Looking for a education, for a better life. I used to have those days where I can fuck up every now and then and laugh at it weeks later, knowing how stupid I have been. I read a lot of blogs these days, and amazingly find that there aren't much different from people to people, we face the same thing, guys or girls, black or white, chinese or russian. We all go through the same problem and comes up with more or less the same solution, eitehr get on with life limping then recover, or go on a self destruct mission with will involve:-
1)Silly arguments with someone close to you
2)Drugs or alcohol
3)Exact idea on what you're doing, even though you're not
4)time, always you think the time is on your side to repent someday
5)There are always someone else to be blamed for any problems.
6)Everyone is sympathetic, and you don't want it.
7)You will never cry for it anymore.
I've got all these before, one way or another, one time or so. but it seems stupid to know I'm not even 21 yet, officially. From the average life of 75 that we're expected to live, boy am I doomed for an eternity of pondering whether anything 've done changed my life, or what I'm doing might, or what I'd be doing will. We're doomed by the simply fact that we have choices. Life would be much easier if choices are made, decisions are done, aren't it ? Who to get, how to do, why should me .... It's choices, the first very thing we wanted after freedom since the beginning of time that is the undone of us all. Have you ever pondered over the choices you made, right or wrong. I can get drunk and laid every single night, and I'm not kidding here. But at the same time, I can stay sober and work hard to earn a living. It comes down to choice, the obvious choice would be working, but how can you tell me that in 20 years time, I might not wake up and regret my decision that I made today ?
Do you know yourself ?? Do you know what you want, love, like, hate, annoyed, miss, care, forget, have, need ? Why ? I'm an annoying brat, aren't I ? :D ... Well, for some strange reasons, I like to listen. To anything, music, people's rant, problem, solutions, events, news... I love to do that ,and ask questions and hope they'll never ask me back on anything. Why ? Because I'm nothing. Deep down, I'm a boring, sad, lonely old person who has nothing interesting to say, and nothing interesting to tell. I'm not the richest, best lover, kindest person, most talented, nicest friend, greatest person alive. Mmmmm, curry. Eating now, so don't mind me really. People tend to be happier when their full. Kinda like we're commited a sin and loving every single moment of it. Kinda like we're not christians. Kinda like we're not Buddhist. Kinda like me.
Bah, that's all for now, I have to eat, read, take a shower, a nap then wake up to go to a footie game :).
posted by Fuzzy at
9/25/2003 08:58:00 PM
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