I have no idea what to write now. In a cafe looking for some info while my friends is blasting away in a deathly tale of war inside a small bloody stage set in the futuristic and fantastic game of Half Life. I have no idea why I'm not in it, I should be, I'd get a few hundred great shots at someone's bod, and gets about 20 annoyed moments where I somehow instantly blames on the faulty mouse/keyboard/headphones even though for some reason they never did buggered me when i got that 256th frag. Somehow typing carelessly away in a keyboard seems to be a much better option than making mince meat out of my friends. Guess signs of maturity starting to show there ? Hope god oh my word please don't fucking not now not today i have so much more to enjoy mistakes to make glory to take hearts to break feelings to hurt wounds to heal places to go things to see blogs to write friends to mince...

I have no idea why, but no one takes me seriously these days. It's prolly a good thing, since that was the image i was projecting myself as. But at times, people take me far too underseriously. Why can't I like someone ? Why can't I see, feel, know, think, want, do, act, or simply fucked up again the way I do ? Why must i fall into the comform of normality, acting and feeling what others are or is supposed to, think like others do, hurt like others did or fall like how others will ? I fell in love a year ago, I fell out a year later. Now I have the same feeling all over again, is that such a crime ? Just because I just got out of a relation doesn't mean I got out of getting a feeling, does it ? As far as I know, i still think, feel, act and hurt like I did before. I'm even more clear headed than I ever had been. I had the time, chance, moment, position to get back with my ex. I think clearly the very fact that I chose not too is 10x harder to take than it is to patch up and give it another go. As time goes by, it did not heal I think, but it did reminded me of things that I now have time to analyse and have more than one choice and ways to look at a situation or solutions applicable.

Tired now eyes sleepy neck harden fingers weaken mind dead brain fried body stoned. I've lost every single will power to be interested in going or being at work, the first reason I'm still writing this now, at the god forsaken hour which I should have been nicely sound asleep, waking up to a bright saturday with a smile and looking forward to work. But no, on the 100 useless or whatsoever things I do think about during my free time at night, not one of them is concerning the work i still have or should have done. Not one.

Out now. Cafe's quiet and friends leaving.