Sick today. I was supposed to be in my office until 6pm, but due to some unfortunate incident, I was forced to go along with them to Selayang to work. I slept from Klang to Old Klang Road, from Old Klang Road to Selayang. Woke up to answer a call from a good friend, who asked me about a trip to Genting with someone she just met. Don't get me wrong, she's not as open as you think. She's just pondering whether to go or not, weighing the pro and cons of that and asked me to go along with her. As much as I hate her to go for obvious reasons (surely I won't need to say more, right?), I fail to see any bad points about that. She may get a new relationship started, something I do hope everyone gets, happiness. Well, maybe not the security guard who screamed at me the other days, but generally everyone else should deserve happiness. So in this episode, I shall talk about my wish and resolutions for the New Year.

Fuz's New Year Resolutions & Hopes (Year not mentioned so I can reuse them again next year or so on)

1. Peace to everyone who deserves it. (Any living being bar the security guard)
2. More money. No, don't get me wrong. I make enough to scrape by, eat, live, drink, play. But I want to buy albums, movies, books... and seeing as no one is sending me those, I'd buy them myself. Thus my needs for cash. A LOT of cash.
3. A more relaxed life. My life ain't that hectic, but still, I'm tired of it. I'm in need of a change, a serious one. Dying seems like a good thing, but well, what's fun when you're dead, no ?
4. A girl to ikat (yes, I can't spell that in eng) my life. I'm prepared to be in a serious relationship now.
5. A better memory. Yes. I forget things. Important things.
6. Work out a schedule. I need organisation in my life, and I'm going to learn how to do it.
7. Work out. I'm not that active on sports as I used to be, and seeing on how hard it will even be in the near future, going to a gym seems to be the best choice.
8. Studies. Be GOOOD in them. Great would be a bonus, but good would be a great start.
9. Keep my mouth shut. Dunno, tired of talking I guess.
10. Stop clubbing, well, lessen it at least. No.4 should help me much.
11. ...


Wait, 10 would be enough (I can't think of any other and I'm tired). Resolution should be small and easy so you can achieve it and move on to bigger things, right? Right. So, for now I'd stick to it and maybe quite possibly do my first one, that is lessen clubbing by not going to on on the New Year. Fuck this, what am I talking bout ?

My heads a mess. The one thing on my mind is bb. I think she's mad/dissapointed in me. Well, I'm trying MY hardest not to love her at all. Trying. She doesn't seems to want a relationship now, and I respect that. She also don't feel the way that I do, and I respect that. It's the matter of what would I do if I saw her with a bf. I'm well prepared to respond, don't get me wrong. But a smile in the face would always be a smile on the face. It doesn't have that glitter or you know, shine in your eyes that simply says, "I'm happy looking at that". I do understand that she or love should not in anyway be the first thing on my mind, a testing time which I'm quite sure any decision that I take would affect me in the long term. I'm not young, am I ? I'm not supposed to be confused about these things. I'm supposed to make a decision and stick with it. Yes, sadly I did. I won't reveal much about what I did. But something made me realise that fact. I'm not young. I'm an adult by name for god's sake. OHHH.. one of my fave song is on !!! Modest Mouse - Edit The Sad Part. God bless them... A must in my top 15 songs on 'stranded on an island with 15 song' list. Yes, I'm still trying.

I'm having my Jeckyl and Hyde moments again ... at times, when I don't have much time to think about anything, I can be quite the cheerful type. But on days like this, when your body is battered, yet your mind is anguished, you have a lot of thoughts, stupid or simply plainly honest. Its thoughts, just like now.. I have no idea why or what I'm aiming for. where this is going or how it's going to end, but just kept on going cause you simply felt like you wanted too, or simply don't know what else to do..

Maybe I shouldn't have done anything in the first place. Maybe.