And we wonder why English is bad...

It is funny to me how things turn out sometimes. While I can be indesicive about what I should eat for lunch, it took me less then one second to sign up to become an organ donor. While I struggling over the fact that I feel lonesome at times, I notice I'm surrounded be friends and a few girls who are actually interested in me (well, at least that's my point of view la). Its even more ironic when I at times does feel insecure and self-concious, when I know that there are people out there who would kill just to be me for a day (those who would like to use me to kill a couple more stupid people like people who talks in a cinema). I saw the comment that was posted to me, and I sincerely had heard it time and time again. Especially this semester where I'm enrolling in PY220 i.e Counseling Psychology and SS099 i.e Personal Development and People Skill iirc. Both of them more or less until a point share a same idea, to be comfortable with who you are. To like who you are, to like who you am. I like who I am, I don't see myself being any other person nor would I want to trade my place with anyone at any time. While I'm far from perfect, I think I've reach a point where I've matured up a lot. Mistakes would still be made, but this time I have no problem owning up to it and trying to make it better. I'd explain this more later.

I found out yesterday that the most dreadful word that has overtaken "Let's just be friends" in my book is the word "whatever la". It's a word that immediately places you in a bind and a wrong step would made you paid for it hard. The troubled began when I told my friend I would sign his attendence for him and because I'm so proud that I finally can be myself, I decided to continue that act all the way into the class by forgetting about it not once, but twice. Not only did I fail to sign his attendence, but I also failed to notify him until around midnight. While an angry "fuck you" would thrown me into guilt-dom, he chose the very wise response of "whatever la" to end his statement to me. Now, while I understand the concept of hell halt fury like a women scorned, its even scarier when hell halt no fury like a women scorned who tells you "whatever la". The fact that is was not a women doesn't make it any better, mind you. Its the only word that sends you into a loop hole of guilt and its weird as we're even angrier/scared/pissed off from the fact that they have given up hope on a subject rather than confront it upfront. That's human I guess, we always assume that if they are mad and they confronted you about it, the subject would sure be settled as fast as a lone traffic police stopping you at a lonely road for not listening to Linkin Park on your player or something. But the term whatever throws the topic wide open, drags it longer and we know that this will be the 'Get Out of Jail' card that they'll use when another argument comes up the next time around. And being the no hassle, no talk, no try to bring out bad things from the past now coz its not fair kind of Malaysian we're bought up to be, we're not used to be put on hold unless we're the party that is putting others on hold (ok, I'm losing the plot here). Its interesting to actually understands how it feels to be on the receiving end of "whatever la" as this is my line. If we ever had a year book and something needs to be written down there, it''ll be a tough fight between "whatever la", "huh?" or "cincai lor" (I can't give you any clear indication as it will voilate the gambling law, but Mr.huh isn't exactly setting himself on the right track) ... As I scramble to fix my first foul up, it's kinda hard to find out that trying to figure out a way to reply to, "whatever la" can be even more confusing than differenciating the pop songs that fill our radio station.

Oh well, at least I choose to look on the bright side of it all. I'm taking responsibility for something I created. And judging by the way I'm bugging one of my other friends to try and clean up the mess (she was my only solution so far), I can't help to wonder if this will open up another can of messy worms. Then again, it'll be a good challenge to myself to prove that I can be a different guy whenever, however I want.

It might be a small and unimportant step, but I'm trying to answer every question I face from time to time with the answer "why not?" .... It might be hard at times, like when my unknown friends ask me to participate in an picnic at Lake Gardens, I'd now have to say "why not?".. I still have no idea how to answer that. But as far as my lack of intelligence is concerned, I'm quite sure of one thing, it's easier for me to answer that one than to answer to "whatever la"....