Don't we love brand names?

It's amazing how feelings work. Or simply how humans think. How being poked and have some 'design' permanently on my back doesn't seem to hurt as much as a word someone blurt out, intended or not I can't be sure. But then again, I'd refrain from posting his details here ;)

Been listening to alot of Bill Hicks lately. He's a great comedian, one of my favourites in fact. Hard hitting, sacarstic, not apologetic and most of all, he sounds like a worst and funnier version of me :/

This piece of news cracked me up.

"We can be proud that Vijay, who was based in Malaysia, is now the world number one. It was unfortunate that his application for PR was rejected. Otherwise a Malaysian could have been the world number one today." - Datuk Mohamed Aini Taib

Excuse me? What exactly do we have to feel proud about? That we're so desperate for attention that we're leeching off a guy whose application to become a citizen was forsaken in the first place but the same people who are now 'proud'?

I don't believe anyone who changed nationality just to represent a country do command my respect. Don't get me wrong, I have no doubt these athletes has the upmost of ability, I generally lose even more respect for the country who has to resort to pinching other nationalities to win us a medal in some ego event disguised with colorful opening shows, tears and drug cover ups reported by a journalist who can only be happy that the blood sucking cost of everything will be bore by the company.

But trying to claim that we should be proud about something we never help him to get is simply laughable. And if he indeed became a Malaysian, I'm quite assured that he will never be the world no.1. Why? Well, to truly be a Malaysian, you need to fulfill this 5 requirements.

1. Be late. It seems like those who are early are those who feel embarrassed, I think because people will think they're kiasu and afraid of losing out to whoever whoever.
2. Own a handphone. This is our customary "grow up" stage. When your parents buys you an handphone, that is the sign that you're already an teenager. Those without one will claim they're better than others because they do not succumb to the comformity. Yeah, dream on.
3. Penang food. Food with a 'Penang' on it sells. "Penang Laksa", "Penang Char Kuey Teow", "Penang Pizza", "Penang Sushi". Trust me, if Vijay was a Malaysian, he'll swear off golf if that means he cannot eat "Penang" foods.
   
4. Racist. Yes, as cruel as this will sound, jokes about how "Malays gets the name, Chinese gets the money and Indian gets the hard labor while DLL does the paperwork" is abundant and I don't see that as a crime, rather as a reminder that this is what makes us, us.
   
5. Great actor/ress. All Malaysians are great artist. Some are too busy acting like a rapper from the West Coast, some are busy pretending to be Australian complete with the slang, some are busy pretending they're working, some are pretending to give a summon and some are pretending to clean up this country out of corruption.

Darn, did I confused us with Singaporeans? Well, while on the subject of food, KFC's Satay Burger is by far the worst burger that ever graced the history of burgers in Malaysia. What the hell were they thinking about? More worriedly, what the hell are they going to think next?

Scene start in a kampung area, as the camera zooms into one of the wooden houses there. An old couple, old and obviously sex deprived is watching a movie on TV when a commercial comes on with a young sexy lady parading something. The wife noticed that the husband is staring and thus storm into the bedroom, husband gave a bewildered look. Wife poke half of her body out in a sexy dress, signaling the husband to come. He took a quick look, turns back to the TV, takes another look and rush out of the house. Now its the wife's turn to give a confused/annoyed/angry look. Camera focuses back on the husband, eating a KFC burger happily and quickly. He rushes back out of the door and the camera pans away to show a billboard promoting the new burger, "Try the all new empowering Tongkat Ali Burger!!"

Hey, it could be worst, it could be McD's.