A chapter of my life has officially closed I guess. Funny how life works sometimes, me meeting with a new friend will eventually leads to an end to a relationship I never knew where to place in the first place.

What can I say, I meet with some irc friends few days back, one of them looked like my ex, the person I loved the very most, the only who I hurted and got hurt the most, the one where I actually shed bucketloads of tears. It's amazing how long we haven't spoken much to each other, now I remember why. Every single time we start talking, the subject of us keeps creeping up and we end up in a shouting match for no reason. I always wonder how a "Hi, how are you" can lead to

"I can only apologize on what I did and said, if there is a way to take it all back, I would. I know now how much I hurted you. you will never know how much I've changed now"

Most would think this is a desperate attempt to get a second chance at love, but it couldn't be further from the truth. I can't be the man she wanted, never was the man she needed. Yes, I might be too childish back then, I was 19 or 20 looking for a great time with a girlfriend. Have I grown ? Yes. Its never easy for a man to admit that he was wrong, that he was a stupid jerk who never deserved a great gal like her. I was once that man, putting the blame on her instead of taking a good look at me. Like a old movie you never understood when you were young, watching it again from a different mindset is truly eye opening. Ironically the song "To Love Somebody" was playing back the background when I received her sms and replying to it. "..you don't know what it's like, baby you don't know what its like... to love somebody, to love somebody...".. was ironic the word to describe this ? I don't really know.

This is the first time is so many days that I've actually felt a tug in my heart. Finally a closure to a story that has been long overdued. Finally the sun goes down and the night comes, yet I do not see the darkness that it brings, but only the light stars give, as that is my only hope of rising above this and learn, maybe finally learn that love is truly, truly a beautiful thing. Guess this will be the point that I stop yearning that one day she might come rushing into my arms, and wish that we are together again.

As the stars shine,
As the wind blows,
Love, you will find,
Or so the legend goes.

As a tree falls,
A new grows,
I've gave it all,
And I finally know,

That for love is a game,
I can't afford to play,
For now I'd never be the same,
For thats the price I paid.

What the fuck am I writing about?
I need a hug, I need a cry, I need a lover, I need someone to tell me it's all alright.

For once in my life, I don't actually know what I'm supposed to do now.