My mood simply hit rock bottom as bb told me she wasn't in the mood to talk. When someone has time to think, and I do mean time sinceI have nothing to do until the Inti intake starts in April. Heck, I'm really thinking about moving to Nilai to study, just to simply get away from all the things that is revolving around me currently. Having nothing meaningful to fill my up my mind, you starts to wonder around and finding out things you never knew before in your life, thoughts you never knew existed, lies you never made up, dreams you never have.

Yesterday, I dreamt about my 2nd girlfriend, for some odd reason. We was attending someone's wedding, in which we sat in some long bench and simply stared at each other. I'm not sure what to make of it, but the ability of that dream to wake me up can't be good. Do anyone care to give me a good explanation of that dream ? Hmm, as I thought, no one.

Franz Ferdinand is good. It is that good. They are a band from UK, and it again makes me sad that I'm stuck here while most of my mates are enjoying the Libertines, Snow Patrol or Franz Ferdinand itself in some gig, while others chose a simply Man Utd or West Ham game to go too. I want that life, I'm not owed for it, but I want it. And if everything goes right, I may. It's probably unhuman of me, but I don't think I'd feel any regret if I move to UK or US for the rest of my life. There will be definately sadness involved, letting go of somethings are hard, but I simply am tired of what I have now... which is nothing. I'm up to the stage where my brain is starting to recycle information, there's nothing new to be stored, nothing good to be remembered, nothing fond to be cherished. Oh my god, Franz Ferdinand is god !!! Take Me out if you really want to know what I'm listening too right now.

Reading back some of my post, I do see my style of posting, which is to complaint, nag and simply not looking at the bright side of your life (another classic song from Monty Python). But that's far from who I really am. This is simply a place for me to pour out what I have been keeping in, and I don't usually keep in happiness. Thus any happy moments or the LOL's will never, or at least rarely be expressed here, because you forget good memories faster than you forget bad ones. Someone asked me what was the reason I wake up in the morning ? What is the force that drives you to go on. And I simply am stumped for an answer. I have no idea why I do, at least nothing important. But I give him an honest answer, commiting suicide requires too much work. It really does. Courage isn't a problem, but intelligence is. You have to be at your wits end, or failure of an you-know-what emotion and an unbalanced mind to work all at once so you would commit suicide. So, commiting suicide isn't as hard or as easy as you think it might be.

How would I like to die ?? Hmmm, depends. If it was my time decided by some unknown force, I'd say in my sleep, a quick painless one. Maybe a stab on the heart from some thief trying to break into my house, or even better, assasinated by some political enemy :). If it was by my choice, a jump from the tallest place in the world, or the tallest place which still can be leaped from without hassle from authorities. That will be nice, it'll be hard, I'll have time to reflect and regret, but no time so save myself so I'd put a smile on my face and go out in pieces. Oh yeah, I'd finally rest in pieces. Yeah.