Isiot, I am.

Almost two months since I last posted, I see. I shall fill this up with some nonchalant melancholy nonsense then.

Almost nothing has changed since then. I'm still hopelessly in love with a perfect girl. Sadly, that feeling I doubt, is mutual. "It'll end someday, sooner or later it'll end. They say it won't last, they say you're not in this for real, they say you've never won the Nobel Peace Prize and it wasn't you who created the first telephone", she said. Over the past 3 years, I've mumble, grumble and stumble my way past my so called friends, taking all the blame for an incident while dishonor in the unspoken rule of manhood, both of us played a big part in. And I did everything, I did everything I could other than to apologise for something I felt there wasn't a need to apologise for. But I must be old, or at least some decent sense of maturity has finally caught up with me. I apologised to my friend last week, though I'm not sure he understood the context or importance of it. Not that I care though, I'm tired. Tired of explaining over and over again, tired of ignoring every single news about me and most of all, tired of all the trust they said I 'lost', which was ironic as they never gave me any in the first place.

I guess they forget. They forget that beneath a face, there is a mind, beneath a body, there is a heart. I've numbed myself to everything I've come to suffer this past few years, deaths, break-ups, arguments, gossips, accusations, comparisons, everything. Call it operant conditioning if you may, be I've learned to deal with things that way and it's not up to me anymore to say whether its a good or bad way to take. Only three things can make me emotionally drained and somehow she's a part of it. The sad part is, I'm prepared for it.

Like an unromantic greek tragedy, someone's bound to take her away. Physically or mentally, I can't be sure. But rest assured, she be gone, I'd cry like a baby and my friend would look at me and comments the univetiable, "Told you." And I'd nod like a little child promised of candy, before numbing myself enough to wish her a happy life, which she deserves. So of the 4 people that have any clue about our status since she's keeping it a secret, I guess there would be one that would stand by me when that time comes. He'll give me a nice pat on the shoulder after I muster that last ickle bit of courage to wish her and say, "Told you." .. I will again, nod and the process would repeat itself a few times before I finally get the fucking message.

I'm not sure what the fuss is about though. Her best friend dislike me, my 'best friend' don't care, her other friends has no idea what to think and she's torn among all of this. I'm glad that love is still pretty much an social event around these parts of the world. Oh well, I guess the most important thing is her. Sadly, she has no idea her importance is to me, to my current existence.

Heard a fantastic rumor yesterday. How it started is way beyond my knowledge. My life is not moving the way I want it too. I need to spend almost 3 years more in coll (technically university-college, i tell you..) and oh well, my priorities are mostly fucked up, though it gets back on track just in time. I need to get a job, I need to get a clue what am I doing to myself lately and most importantly, I need Sigur ros' Takk. And a few other movies and albums along with it.

I can only wish no one mentions my birthday and hope it'll come true :)

Thats bout it, fuzzy. May you forget about this and move on to better things like studying to get better grades or developing a british accent. Don't blame me for your time wasted reading a post unintended for you. After all, you did know it was nonsense all the way, "I told you..", remember?